Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, we all know that. But that doesn't make it any easier when you’re the one who messed up. The most important thing is to acknowledge your error, apologize if necessary, and move forward with grace and compassion for yourself.
So here I am…coming to you with an apology. I haven’t shared as much as I could have. In this journey of life, we MESS UP! So to take responsibility, I decided to blog about it.
If ever felt like you shouldn't have to apologize?
Even if you don’t think what you said or did was so bad, or believe that the other person is actually in the wrong, it’s still important to apologize when you’ve hurt or angered someone. “To preserve or re-establish connections with other people, you have to let go of concerns about right and wrong and try instead to understand the other person’s experience.
For an apology to be effective, it has to be genuine. A successful apology validates that the other person felt offended... Let me say that again! A successful apology validates the other person felt offended and acknowledges responsibility (you accept that your actions caused the other person pain). You want to convey that you truly feel sorry and care about the person who was hurt, and promise to make amends, including by taking steps to avoid similar mishaps going forward.
According to the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, a good apology has four elements:
Acknowledge the offense. Take responsibility for the offense, whether it was a physical or psychological harm, and confirm that your behavior was not acceptable. Avoid using vague or evasive language, or wording an apology in a way that minimizes the offense or questions whether the victim was really hurt.
Explain what happened. The challenge here is to explain how the offense occurred without excusing it. In fact, sometimes the best strategy is to say there is no excuse.
Express remorse. If you regret the error or feel ashamed or humiliated, say so: this is all part of expressing sincere remorse.
Offer to make amends. For example, if you have damaged someone’s property, have it repaired or replace it. When the offense has hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge the pain and promise to try to be more sensitive in the future.
Know this:
The words you choose for your apology count. I hope this blog helps you go forth and mends some broken relationships.
Dr. Shannan Cherry
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